Tezpur to Dirang

I like a challenge. I like doing things that I wouldn’t normally do. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not about to parachute out of a plane. Or even worse, tie an elastic band to my ankle and leap off a mile high bridge. Nope, calculated risk is my game. I like a thrill but I want the odds in my favour. Many years back I used to be a member of a casino. I used to enjoy a flutter on the blackjack and the roulette. But then it hit home. The odds are in the house’s favour and I don’t like losing. But today, I think I’ve been playing roulette of a very different variety.

The day began with a start at around 5am when the local muezzin called the faithful to prayer. I’m a tolerant kind of guy, I really am. Each to their own and all that; just don’t bother me. So when he started his wailing right outside my bedroom window, I was more than a little miffed. Never mind, I had to be up early anyway. Jyoti was coming to pick me up at 6.45am and I had brekkie booked for 6.30am. But first, a shower. How simple does that sound? Just a shower. Remember I’d been washing myself from a bucket for the past few days? Today there was hot water! God, it was marvellous!

Way back I mentioned ying and yang? For any new readers (hahaha, that’ll be a miracle!) ying and yang means when sommat good happens, sommat bad always comes along to bite you on yer ass and keep the equilibrium. So it was when my breakfast was delivered. A bloody masala omelette with more peppers and onions in it than you could shake a stick at. Yuk!

Bloody hell, I do apologise. Some of the poor sods round here dance a jig when I give them 20 /- and I’m whinging about an omelette. I deserve a good kick in the nads. Ooof, thank you Gupta.

I’m off to the restricted area of Arunachal Pradesh today. Historically, Arunachal to the Indians and (pronounced “A-roon-a-shall”) has been a source of conflict between India and China. China sees the area as lower Tibet (pronounced “even more china”) and still demands the land. As recently as 1962, the Chinese invaded and were beaten off with a shitty stick by the Indian army. Only last year, during China’s 60th celebration of communist rule, they sent the army up to the border. Consequently, the Indians responded in kind. Therefore the area is now flooded with Indian army personnel and I have to pass several checkpoint waving my Restricted Area Pass. Even though I have the correcxt paperwork, I’m not allowed through until the big officer comes and signs the papers. But, as ever, the Indians are more interested in making a couple of bucks. So after paying baksheesh to the border guards, I’m in.

Arunachal is nothing like the rest of India, in that the place is staunchly Buddhist. The people have more Oriental features and instead of folk living on top of one another, the place is sparsely populated. However, the infrastructure for getting about is appalling. My destination for today is Dhirang, a mere 180km away. The road at Bhalukpong starts normally enough and then rises sharply. We are entering the foothills the Dafla Hills, a precursor to the Himalayas. Then the road runs out entirely. Worse still, it’s been raining and the road is full of mud. Mud, again!! I thought I’d seen enough mud to last me a lifetime. There’s hippies that have attended Glastonbury every year without fail that hasn’t seen more mud than me over the last 24hrs.

On one side of me is the hill, on the other side a sheer drop of about 100ft. The vehicles are also going both ways. It’s terrifying and we are still climbing into dense jungle. Still what else can go wrong? Then the fog comes down and we can see about 20 yards ahead.The climb amongst the jungle foliage continues for about three hours. We are travelling at anything from 40km ph down to 20km ph, whatever they may be. I notice from a sign that we are at14TF. Now, I’m no meteorologist but I’m sure TF must stand for thousand feet? The van is skidding from one side to the other and, once the fog clears, I’m staring over a bloody huuuuuuge precipice.

Oh, you’ll love the next bit! All over India, there are signs extolling the road users to be careful and here is no exception:

• Speed Thrills – But also kills!
• Take care – Someone is at home waiting for you!
• Better to arrive late – Than not at all!
• Stay married – Speed equals divorce!
• Go for you life – you were wasting it anyway!

Ok, you got me, I made the last one up.

Eventually… and I do mean eventually, we arrive at Dhirang. It’s taken us almost 9hrs. My spine is twisted in two and my bottom has been bounced black and blue but I’m here, in one piece. I really feel for the poor driver if I’m honest. I get narked at home when there is a bit of snow and it’s a bit of an inconvenience. This journey must have been bloody hard on him and he’ll only be picking up about 1800/- for his pains. I’ll buy him some tobacco for his pains. This reminds me, the Indian government has completely banned smoking in public places. I really never thought it would work as last time I was here, everybody smoked like a trooper. Well, it seems to have worked, apart from now everyone carries a little pouch of chewing tobacco around with the, They mix it with lime, in the palm of their hands and then stuff the resulting concoction in front of their bottom teeth and suck. Ok, the incidence of lung cancer will probably go down but I bet oral cancer will be on the increase soon enough.

So here I sit in a Tibetan hotel, named Awoo resort. I really hope that doesn’t stand for the noise made by dinner guests taking their early morning ablutions. Bugger it, it comes down to calculated risk again and I ponder the dinner menu long and hard. I can play safe and have noodles or go for blackjack and have Yak meat with aloo thong-si. Go on, what would you have?