phew

I must smell like Gandhi’s flip flops. I’ve worn and slept in the same clothes for too damned long. In fact I just caught one of my socks making a beeline for the door. Not so fast socky, if anyone’s getting out of here first it’s me! Luckily Jytoi is due at 7am and we are hopeful of getting back up the mountains and through the sela pass, despite it being bitingly cold and reports, yet again of heavy snow.

He’s on time and as we load the vehicle I wave bye-bye to the festering tip that is the Hotel Gourisen, Tawang. The thing that surprises me is that the latest Lonely Planet guide recommends the place! Now I wasn’t expecting The Ritz, or The Dorchester, we are in the hard to reach NE of India but I thought running water should be a staple. Am I going on about it a bit too much now? Ok, I’ll shut my clack and tell you about the rest of the day.

We’d decided to travel in convoy with another van carrying two other western tourist. We reckon that if the snow is as bad as is predicted, we’ll be better placed if there are more people around for help. Sounds feasible to me Gunga Din! Well, it didn’t take long to need help. We’d only gone about a mile and our van’s engine cut out, three times. No problem, they know the cause AND solution. Apparently it’s so cold that ice crystals are forming in the fuel tank. And the way to sort it? Set a fire underneath the fuel tank to melt the ice. Now, apart from turning the key and wheel, I know very little about cars but I was pretty sure this sounded dangerous. So I got out of the van to observe the proceedings from a safe distance. Bless them; the whole village came out to watch. Most interested was the village undertaker. Miraculously, it worked and as soon has half the village had climbed into our vans, we were away. This is how it works in this neck of the woods. Transport is scare and money scarcer. If you can help somebody out with a lift, jump aboard. I didn’t like to tell them that, in my head at least, the meter was running.

*SPEED IS A FIVE LETTER WORD, SO ALSO IS DEATH… brilliant road signs #2 in a series of until I get fed up*

So, on we plod. It’s difficult to describe the road conditions to be honest. Non existent springs to mind. There have been fresh landslides and the road is blocked in parts. The BRO (Border Roads Organisation) is out in force sorting the mess, they’re also responsible for the slogan up there. Great isn’t it? It certainly had an impact on me. The first time I saw it they’d forgotten to add the letter “A” to “DEATH”, so it made no sense whatsoever! It was just Jyoti, the driver and some other guy who is head chef at my hotel for tonight (what a place this is going to be!). We’re back at the same shack we used before crossing the sela pass. I shall not avail myself of their egg noodles this time; they might be the cause of my dangerous bottom burps. But once we sit down and the conversation flows, I discover it’s not just me with thundering trousers. Both my driver and guide have been suffering. It was then I had my most insightful thought on this trip so far.

If you’ve ever seen Monty Python’s “The Meaning of Life” you’ll be familiar with the scene when a group of guests at a dinner party are interrupted by the grim reaper telling them that they’re all dead. And the cause of their demise? The salmon Mousse! The driver, Jyoti and I all shared the same breakfast in Bhalukpong. The chicken curry! I could feel the grim reaper’s breath down the back of my neck as I remembered the spicy goodness. At least I’ll have a guide and driver if he comes banging his scythe on my door tonight.

And tonight’s hotel is probably a good place to be if I’m about to be carried off to the next world, or brought back to this one as something else. It took us eight gruelling hours to get here. It’s a guest house run by G.R.L. Gompa. If I were in the least bit considerate, I’d tell you what those initials stood for. But, to be honest, the initials are all you need. It’s all Tibetan and it’s a monastery. The shower works. The room is warm. It’s clean and I’m having a couple of beers (Meakins 10,000 – alcoholic strength exceeding 5% v/v but not exceeding 8% v/v)

The room service wallah has just been to ask what time I’d like my early morning black tea served, how very civilised! I’m going to have a shower and get rid of three days of filth. I’ve just thought, how much luck can I have in one day? Oh God, I hope the water’s hot!